After You've Gone

I've had a lot on my mind lately. One of the most prominet thoughts, it that of leaving.

People do a lot of leaving in their lifetime.


We leave things, people and places almost every day. Perhaps leaving people is one of the toughest things to do in life. Especially some one you're emotionally attached to.



Some times we walk away from realtionships because we're hurt, or afraid or finished.



I find my self leaving relationships because I'm afraid.



I tend to run away fom things I'm afraid of, because its what I do.



I find myself feeling complete after I leave a bad realtionship.



The sad part is I hold on to littel things that hold me back from going forward.



I take fear with me. It reminds me that if I make my heart vulnerable, I will experience pain.



Fear can be a useful thing, it refereshes the memory of one with hopeful thoughts, that maybe this time things will turn out right.



At times Hope can be a foolish thing. But people still grasp hold of it. Perhaps its not so foolish.



Perhaps, hope can give you a bit of color in life, a bit of light that makes life bearable.
What would we do with out it?



Perhaps a little bit of foolish hope wouldn't hurt, this time. Maybe, just maybe.

Mistreated and Used

I'm sure everyone who's ever been on the planet known as earth long enough has been mitreatd or used by another individual. Its no fun and the after effects are enough to make you want to hide.



People telling you things to make you think, "Hey, eyerything is going just fine." When the real colors of the individual are hidden, secret and underhanded.



Being "used" happens to people who are generous and want to help. The mistreatment" comes later. Kind people just want to help out to the best of their abilities. But they generally get mistreated. Deserted. Abandonded.



There are two types of people in the world, Givers and Takers.
Givers give. Takers take. Givers give all they can, hoping that some day all the kindness they've shown, love they've given and such will be returned to them.


Takers simply use the Givers and leave. Never considering to give anything back. Takers suck the time, energy and abilities out of Givers, like a blood thirsty vampire. They leave Givers feeling empty.



Its at this point the Giver is disreguarded by the Taker and the Giver begins to ask questions. "Was it because I wasen't there enough?"

"Its there something wrong with me?" "Is it because I'm not enough in general?"











The Giver at this point will hide their face from humanity. The find a hiding place. They search of a place where they can heal in peace.



Sometimes the Givers heal, sometimes they don't.
Most of the time the Givers hide themselves behind a wall, healing and  resolving to never be vulnerable ever again.

There might be another who will rip you up again. Next time you migh not heal at all.....

Absolute Confusion

Have you ever been confused?

I'm not talking about forgetting where you put your keys, or being in an awkward situation. I'm talking about the confusion where you feel lost, discombobulated, and puzzled.



For the past 3 days my mind has been trying to wrap its hands around a problem.
This problem is covered in grease.....I can't get a grip on it.

Its like I'm standing in the middle of a dark forest without a compass...I can sense the presence of wild animals, smell the pine trees and hear the sound of someone approaching.



Every time I turn around I see nothing.....but I hear the approach every time, I know someone's there, but every time I turn to see who it is, they disappear.

I run blindly in circles, trying to find this person, some times I cry out, "Where are you?" No one answers me.



I finally drop to my knees in exhaustion and confusion. Confusion. Such an appropiate word. It came from the late 13c English, "overthrow, ruin," "mental perplexity"



Confusion causes your mind to shift, shake and run about in crisscrossed directions. You don't know where you stand. You don't know here you're going. You don't have hardly any idea what you're doing.......



Eventuallly, you find yourself a sanctuary, a hiding place.....somewhere you can feel safe, secure and hidden.



Then some one comes along and asks the million doallar question, "Why are you hiding?"
You wonder how they found you in the first place because you planned out your escape carefully. Were they seeking you the whole time?



After all the confusion, you have nothing left to do but hide yourself.

The First Impression

First impressions, everyone has a few that stick out in their mind...either because you were right on the money or really off.

One particualr case comes to my mind.

Encountered a character last year who took me by suprise.

I'm not a person who is easily intimidated, I usually don't run away from a fight: But this person absolutely had me paranoid.

Sheer intimidation:



needless to say this person has proven that they aren't really that bad......

Awkward.

Fantasy in Reality

Often times people have accused me of having an overreactive imagination.......(sigh) Really? Why is this a bad thing?

Most of my life is lived inside my head......and belive me it is a beautiful place...

I always hear statements like:

"You have a far away look in your eyes, like you see something that no one else can."


"You're from another planet, Praise..."



"Where have you been? In your head? Stop wonderting or you'll get lost and never find your way back."
(blah,blah,blah...)



"You live in a fantasy world....get back to reality!"

After a while, these individuals sound like geese...honking, muttled, speech that all sounds the same...after about 10 minutes.

My imagiantion, is very much intouch with my reality, infact a lot of my reality is what makes up my fantasy imagiantion...which makes life interesting.

I have my real fears in reality, but in my imagination....they are darker, vivid and more terrifying than those in reality


I have my joy's in reality, but in my imagination, my joy's are more intense, they can be touched, and sculpted into various things.


In reality, I see my enemies, but in my imagination I see them as fierce mytholigical beasts that torment my very existance.

In my point of view the imagination merely flavors that which reality leaves, somewhat tasteless and bland.

I just perfer to keep my imagination active and in good shape, because I visit it every day...there's a thin line between them, so crossing over them is easy.

.........And that's just the way I want it to be.


---Praise Sharp

The Curious Case of Praise Sharp

I've been pondering a thought around lately.......which is sort of what I do best....I think my life would be an interesting movie...



Why? Well, my life consists of all movie types...........



Comedy,

Mystery

Horror

Adventure

I have so many random things happen to me, things that are odd, unreal, awkward and funny....mostly funny.

But of course, the person playing the role of Praise Sharp....I might be a hard character to capture lol :)

I'm definately not the glamorus type........This is a problem....but the idea of a movie about my life is very entertaining... ^_^

--Praise Sharp

Observation of the Dating species

Ok, its been a while since I've been on here....but a lot of things have happened...............a lot....


As many of you know, I have seveeral loner tendancies....one of them is reading...I love to read. Its relaxing. But lately I have wandered into the realms of the sidelines of relationships...out of sheer curiosity. What I have seen amuses me.

Couples walking down the street linked arm in arm.


Couples holding hands.








Playing games together.


I studied them, observed and documented some things that were interesting to me.
Mainly the idea that they are almost completely oblivious to the world around them.....this I found very amusing.

It was almost as if they had created a whole other world for themselves. A wolrd that was tangible, creative and somehow wonderful.




It seemed as though, their thoughts and dare I say it..emotions were one...

Some times they laughed,



Sometimes, they had their serous moments.



And sometimes, they shared an occasional nip on the cheek.


How strange......I'll have to observe this more often...its quite entertaining.


--Praise Sharp